How to Tell You've "Arrived"

Obviously, you do it by buying a Mark V. And not just any Mark - a "Designer Edition."  There are four to choose from: Cartier, Givenchy, Bill Blass and Pucci (aka boring, weird, YES PLEASE and Who?).  This is the Bill Blass...

The Fred sketch pose.

The Fred sketch pose.

The color scheme is Midnight Blue and Chamois. It was all the rage, at least at your Lincoln-Mercury dealer and for good reason. It was HDR before HDR was HDR. Just blam - meth and Red Bull right on your eyeballs.

But back to the arrival business -

  • you had to have money to roll up this fancily. Save the earth tones for Fairmonts and accountants.

  • typically, these were among the most expensive American-made cars. Middle managers need not apply.

  • You were very likely in the entertainment or, uh, recreational industries and therefore someone to know. Yes, this is an oblique joke about that long flat hood and all the "off label" uses to which it could be put..

  • And of course, you needed the flashiness of that Rolls grille, and the lights and the gills in order to work up the crowd and keep them interested, since the nose arrived 5 minutes before the passengers.

All this enormity can be yours tomorrow at the Barrett-Jackson auction. With only 11,000 miles you should just drive it home. Unless you have a private flat bed rail car - that might be long enough to fit it.

Yeah, yeah yeah. Make your jokes.

Yeah, yeah yeah. Make your jokes.